


the line between friends and more

by straysncts



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, I suck at tags, Just read, M/M, also references homophobia as a warning, felix is Briefly mentioned im sorry, idk what else to put, its kinda sad at some points i guess, stray kids - Freeform, thats about it yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-04-30 11:08:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14495625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/straysncts/pseuds/straysncts
Summary: friend. one attached to another by affection or esteem.





	the line between friends and more

**Author's Note:**

> so!!!!!!!!! this is my first changjin thing :p ive been trying to write about them for some time now n i...actually dont completely hate this? idk its just my contribution to this Very Dry Tag n i was gonna make it chaptered but its not long enough n my writing tends to get worse the more i drag it out n Also i am a sucker for the best friends to lovers trope n maybe Maybe i projected onto hyunjin but yeah!!!!enjoy
> 
> ALSO this goes back n forth to when they were in high school if that isnt clear enough im sorry if its confusing but this is what my brain came up with n its too late to go back now
> 
>  
> 
> [twitter](https://Twitter.com/woobinsungs)

friend. _one attached to another by affection or esteem_. that’s what changbin is to hyunjin, right? or, alternatively, that’s what he tells himself. it’s in the definition, after all. affection. that’s the feeling swirling in his chest at the moment, looking over at changbin from across the table, who’s looked up from his assignment in confusion.

 

hyunjin can almost hear the _clunk_ of gears shifting in his head, trying to piece the problem together. changbin shifts in his seat, instinctively moving his pencil to his mouth, as if to bite the easer. hyunjin swats his hand away, making a face. “gross,” he mutters, scrunching his nose in disgust, and changbin lets out something similar to a quiet scoff, mumbling about how old habits never die, but he’s already refocused onto the papers scattered messily around him.

 

 _affection_. that’s what it is. nothing more. hyunjin tries to hide the smile that’s inevitably making its way onto his face.

 

+

 

changbin tells him he’s gay when they’re still in high school, (hyunjin in his first year and changbin in his second) through a series of stuttered words and shaky hands. hyunjin reminds himself to breathe, feel the way his lungs stretch when he inhales. changbin’s crying now, and the sight splits his heart wide open, almost as if it’s an attempt to envelop changbin within himself. hyunjin swallows down his thoughts, fingertips skimming his bedroom floor as he moves over to where changbin’s seated, right against the crook of his bed.

 

he reaches out his hand and a nagging thought in his mind whispering _what if he takes it the wrong way?_ but he’s brushing it off before the idea grows even further, because this is changbin, all slanted smiles and dripping sarcasm mixed with the slightest hints of kindess, the ones you don’t really appreciate until they’re gone. _changbin_ , he tells himself. and so he pulls him to his chest, hooking his arms around changbin’s shaking body.

 

he’s murmuring things to him, but he feels like he’s underwater, and everything’s muffled, the room a little too small and the lights a little too bright.

 

 _inhale_. changbin doesn’t cry. _exhale._ changbin doesn’t fall apart, holds himself together with messy lyrics and empty papers, waiting for words that never come. _inhale._ changbin’s the one who looks after him, the one who pushes him food during lunch when hyunjin doesn’t have any, the one who squeezes his shoulder a little more tightly than usual during exam week. _exhale._

 

it takes changbin a while to calm down.

 

“i’m sorry,” he breathes, and hyunjin’s dumbfounded. “sorry?” he repeats, trying to figure out why in the world changbin would apologize, would attempt to minimize everything that just happened. “it wasn’t fair of me to just lose it like that,” changbin explains, unfazed, and hyunjin feels an ache in his rib cage, the kind that makes him want to tuck changbin into the nearest bed, hug his worries away. the thought scares him.

 

changbin’s laying on hyunjin’s bed now, flat on his back with hyunjin sitting cross legged next to him. he kind of wants to reach over, brush the hair out of his eyes and let his fingers skim across changbin’s knuckles, but he holds himself back, waiting for changbin to speak instead.

 

changbin opens his mouth, and everything comes tumbling out, a waterfall of words slipping from his lips.

 

+

 

hyunjin blinks sleepily, trying to refocus on the glaring computer screen in front of him. changbin, ever the night owl, doesn’t even stir, too focused on his assignment. they’ve been sitting at this table in the library on campus for hours now, trying to get some work done. hyunjin rests his cheek on his palm, dozing off. changbin looks up from his notebook, raising an eyebrow at the boy in front of him. “lets go, sleepy head,” he finally murmurs, already neatly stacking his papers and putting them away. hyunjin’s head slips from his hand, and he jerks upright, startled. changbin closes his laptop, gathering his work for him. hyunjin tries to protest, but he can’t stop yawning, and he thinks he’s seeing double at this point.

 

changbin nudges hyunjin’s shoulder lightly, waiting. he has both of their bags slung over his shoulder, and if hyunjin’s eyes weren’t threatening to close every two seconds, he’d complain about it. changbin already does so much for him.

 

“how are you gonna make it through the rest of the year, kid?” changbin asks, softly, more to himself than hyunjin, who shrugs as he gets up. “coffee,” he grins, and changbin rolls his eyes. ( _“and i’m not a kid, hyung,” he adds, frowning_ ) hyunjin reaches over to grab his bag, but changbin’s turning around, heading for the door already. it doesn’t take long for hyunjin to catch up. “give me my bag,” hyunjin mumbles, but changbin makes a clicking noise with his tongue, retorting, “you're half asleep. don’t worry about it,” hyunjin can’t help but smile. he knows how stagnant changbin can be.

 

its cold outside, and hyunjin starts shivering right away, but changbin is unbothered. hyunjin shakes it off, thinking about how likes the way the moonlight hits changbin’s eyes, the way it makes his features look much softer. hyunjin loops his arm through changbin’s, leaning into him and mumbling something about how he isn’t human for never getting tired, and changbin laughs, chest rattling, and hyunjin swears his heart skips a beat.

 

hyunjin stumbles into his bed as soon as changbin unlocks the door to their apartment, yawning loudly. changbin pauses at his doorway, scolding him for not changing. “‘m tired, hyung. next time,” he jokes tiredly from under his covers, eyes already closed. he misses the way changbin smiles at him, before turning off the lights in his room.

 

hyunjin wishes he would’ve stayed.

 

+

 

hyunjin learns soon enough that changbin, in fact, isn’t untouchable.

 

“i hated myself for so long, hyunjin-ah. i thought there was something wrong with me,” he admits, and hyunjin decides right then and there that he’d tear down all the stars hanging in the universe for the boy laying besides him. he doesn’t tell him that. he should, but he doesn’t.

 

changbin is much more than the person hyunjin made him out to be, _so_ much more. he’s got a bit of a bleeding heart, a mind that runs a little too fast, thoughts that weave around him tightly, the kind that don’t always let him breathe.

 

“thank you for not hating me,” changbin blurts out, when the silence between them grows too heavy. “nothing could ever make me hate you,” hyunjin shoots back, but the words feel so empty.

 

changbin ends up falling asleep eventually, and hyunjin doesn’t have the heart to wake him up, or make him go home. _(“he had a rough day, mom. just this once,” he pleads softly.)_

 

+

 

hyunjin sleeps well into the day, having never really been a morning person.

 

he wakes up with a start, thinking he has classes today. _its sunday,_ he reminds himself, letting out a sigh of relief. he kicks off his covers, blinking the sleep out of his eyes before venturing into the kitchen. its quiet, like usual, but hyunjin knows changbin isn’t there from the absence of small noises — no pens clicking, pages being crumpled, or the padding of feet across the room to throw it away — which means he must’ve gone out.

 

he finds leftovers in the fridge, courtesy of changbin, he assumes, and the thought makes him smile.

 

hyunjin spends the day studying in his room, trying to ignore the restlessness spreading throughout his body. (he also pretends like the root cause isn’t the lack of changbin’s presence) he gives up eventually, wandering into the living room with the few snacks he could scavenge (he forgot to go shopping, _again)_  and making himself comfortable on the couch.

 

changbin comes back eventually, and hyunjin blurts out, “you’re home,” before he can consider the gravity of using such a word. changbin’s face softens immediately, (hyunjin isn’t sure why, considering he has a mouthful of food and looks like an absolute mess) and he smiles at him. “yeah. i am,” he murmurs, already making his way to the couch, causing hyunjin to scramble and make room for him underneath all the blankets.

 

(“i’m just here for the food,” changbin argues a couple of minutes later, but hyunjin feels their knees brushing, shoulders bumping and knows that’s not the case. not for himself, at least).

 

(and maybe hyunjin ends up falling asleep next to changbin on the couch that night, his arms circled around his waist, but no one has to know that).

 

 +

 

hyunjin hates high school, which, granted, makes him sound like a typical, angst teenager, but he means it. he means it each time he hears the way people whisper, sees the way they shoot wary glances at changbin, not even bothering to hide their disgust. rage bubbles up inside of him, but changbin mumbles a quiet, _“don’t,”_ and it spills over almost harmlessly instead, fading when he feels the slight pressure of changbin’s shoulder pressing against his own.

 

he _means_ it, means it with every fiber of his being when changbin’s in the bathroom, shaking and crying and hyunjin’s crouched on the floor next to him, too afraid, too unsteady to do anything at first. he reaches out, moving changbin’s hands from his face. they feel small in his own.

 

“they’re dumb. high school is dumb, hyung,” hyunjin croaks out, voice cracking on the last word. he's crying too, now. changbin pulls his hands away from hyunjin’s, tightly pressing his palms against his eyes. he takes a deep breath, and stands up, moving over to the sink to splash water across his face. hyunjin can’t move, can’t breathe.

 

changbin walks back over to him, eyes a little less puffy and cheeks red, fingertips brushing his cheek as he crouches down. (they’re kinda cold, from the water hyunjin assumes, and it feels nice). “c’mon.” he urges, holding out his hand, and hyunjin’s standing before he knows it.

 

changbin doesn’t talk about it, and hyunjin’s too scared to bring it up. (he shouldn’t be).

 

he hugs him instead, lets changbin bury his face in the crook of his neck, hands fisted into the collar of hyunjin's uniform. hyunjin's own arms are wrapped around changbin's neck, stroking his hair. his lips ghost the top of changbin's hair, and for a split second, the thought of kissing him passes his mind. it's brief, gone before hyunjin can dwell on it, but it was  _there._ that's all that matters.

 

“is this what the best four years of my life are supposed to be like?” changbin snaps, his breathing somewhat ragged. “guess i forgot to read the terms and conditions,” he mumbles, and hyunjin wishes he could do more, but doesn’t he always?

 

changbin pulls away from him, a look of disgust flashing across his face for a second, and hyunjin doesn’t even have to ask to know it’s directed at himself. he doesn’t know what to say, what to do, and he can feel the regret taking root somewhere inside of him.

 

if changbin notices, he doesn’t say anything. neither of them do, and maybe that’s where they go wrong.

 

+

 

hyunjin wakes up disoriented, the scene in front of him slightly foreign. panic rises in his chest until he realizes he’s in changbin’s room. (changbin must've carried him here) he wills his heart to slow down a little, slowly getting up. changbin’s always been more of a morning person — the kind that can’t really sleep — so he’s not surprised to find him in the kitchen, getting ready for the day. “i really don’t feel like going to class,” hyunjin mumbles, sliding into one of the chair’s by their small table. changbin hums in response, and hyunjin decides that he feels a little bit bold today.

 

“ditch with me,” he blurts out, and changbin hesitates, turning slowly to face him. “don’t you have important things to do? in your classes, i mean?” changbin asks, staring curiously at him. “not that i know of.” hyunjin responds, maybe a little too quickly. “plus, i have friends. they’ll tell me what i missed.” he adds, a stupid grin on his face as he watches changbin toy with the idea. “fine.” he caves, a small smile making its way onto his face. “i still have work tonight.” changbin reminds him, but hyunjin’s excited regardless.

 

“what do you even wanna do?” changbin complains shortly after, but hyunjin can tell he’s teasing, eyes glinting in the way they do when he’s happy. hyunjin stands up from the chair, moving to the countertop changbin’s leaning against.

 

“anything as long as i’m with you, hyung,” he mumbles, adding a joking tone to his voice as he reaches over to drape his arms around changbin, who looks a little surprised. “is that so?” he asks quietly, but his hands are moving to wrap around his waist, and hyunjin’s cheeks flare up. “no. i was joking,” but changbin’s smiling, already starting to tease him. “i take back every nice thing i’ve said to you,” hyunjin grumbles, pulling away. changbin’s hand reaches out, circling his wrist as he smiles. (hyunjin _really_ wishes he could breathe) “i have to get ready,” hyunjin forces out, and changbin lets go with a soft _oh_. hyunjin thinks he sees a faint blush blushing his cheeks, but he refuses to even consider the possibility.

 

they somehow end up at the beach. hyunjin can’t remember the last time he went, despite it being relatively nearby.

 

hyunjin watches changbin make his way down to the water, and he thinks he could get used to the way changbin smiles, sort of lopsided but pretty nonetheless.

 

hyunjin crouches in the sand next to changbin, watching him write in the sand. “your name? don’t you have anything interesting to write?” hyunjin teases, and changbin sighs. “i should’ve just gone to class,” he grumbles, and hyunjin laughs, loud and clear.

 

“you cloud my judgement.” changbin mutters when they fall silent, and hyunjin shivers, unsure of what to say.

 

“the feeling’s mutual,” hyunjin finally responds, and changbin pauses his writing, giving him a curious glance. hyunjin shrugs, looking out towards the water.

 

it’s cold for once, the sun barely peeking through the clouds. hyunjin tugs his jacket closer to him, trying to keep himself from shivering. _(“see? if you’d just gone to class today, you’d be warm,”) (“but i wouldn’t be with you, hyung!”)_ changbin stares at him one second too long, before standing up. “shells,” he mutters, gesturing vaguely at the ground before tentatively walking closer to the water. hyunjin follows until he comes to a stop, leaning down to grab something.

 

“pretty,” changbin’s holding something in his hand, and hyunjin squints, trying to figure out what he's supposed to be looking at. "it's a shell, idiot," changbin deadpans, and hyunjin wishes he wasn't so embarrassed. "well, it's a shitty shell," hyunjin jokes, trying to brush it off, but changbin's already tucking the shell into his pocket wordlessly, before dusting off his hands.

 

hyunjin reaches over, his thumb brushing off the freckles of sand from his knuckles that changbin missed. he pretends like he can't feel changbin's eyes on him, trying to look past the neutral expression hyunjin's desperately trying to keep.

 

"better," hyunjin mumbles when changbin's hands are free of sand, letting go and averting his gaze.

 

changbin tilts his head at him, slowly, eyes warm as he holds out his hand. "your hands are freezing. i can't have you getting sick and ditching class even more," he explains, but his thumb keeps ghosting hyunjin's knuckles, tracing lines into his skin, and hyunjin knows it's more than just that.

 

they sit near the water, knees pressing against each other. changbin scoots closer, their hands still intertwined as he leans his head on hyunjin’s shoulder. “cold?” hyunjin teases, but he’s got that stupid, wide smile on his face. changbin shakes his head adamantly, mumbling, “i just wanna be closer to you,” hyunjin hums in response, happy with changbin’s answer.

 

+

 

felix takes changbin by storm when he’s going on his last year of high school, and hyunjin his second to last.

 

hyunjin can’t blame him, really. felix is somehow the personification of everything good in the world, the kind of magnetizing person hyunjin wishes he was. he’s all smiles and soft angles, freckles dotting his skin and warmth simply emanating from him. he’s everything changbin deserves, and more.

 

it’s almost like a movie, the way they both fit together, complement each other in ways that hyunjin and changbin can’t. so, hyunjin takes a step back, from changbin, from his friends, from everything. he lets changbin tryto stumble his way through a confession, lets him try to cross the line between friends and something more, because he wants him happy, wants that more than anything in the world. (of course, he still feels a tug in his chest whenever he sees them together, but it doesn’t matter)

 

that’s the year hyunjin realizes he views changbin in a different light, the kind he isn’t supposed to view him in. as a result, hyunjin keeps everything under wraps, tucked safely into the crooks and valleys of his heart, valuing changbin’s friendship too much to admit anything. changbin notices, because he’s changbin, because he’s just too good at analyzing, at picking hyunjin apart, right down to his racing thoughts and uneasiness.

 

“is everything okay?” changbin asks one day, seemingly out of nowhere. changbin had coaxed him into leaving his house, insisting that they should hang out, that he kind of missed being around his best friend. they’d ended up on the couch, watching something changbin put on, but hyunjin was so restless, all jittery just from being near him. changbin must’ve noticed, and hyunjin wishes he hadn’t because he’s a terrible liar, and keeping secrets is stifling, suffocating even. hyunjin realizes changbin is staring, and he draws himself out of his thoughts, back to reality.

 

“everything’s fine,” hyunjin lies, hoping it’s believable. changbin stares at him, tilting his head ever so slightly. “come here, idiot,” he holds out his arms, gesturing for hyunjin to move. hyunjin shakes his head immediately, knowing it’d just make him feel worse.

 

changbin sighs, choosing to move over to hyunjin’s side of the couch instead, before tugging him closer. hyunjin caves, because it’s changbin, and he can’t help himself, tucking his legs to his chest and leaning into changbin’s touch. “what am i gonna do with you, jinnie?” changbin murmurs, and hyunjin’s crying, feeling like the dam in his chest finally burst.

 

changbin looks shocked, because hyunjin only really cries when changbin cries, and that in itself is a rarity. “i’m sorry,” hyunjin chokes out, untangling himself from changbin’s arms. “i’m just,” he begins, eyes darting towards the door, and changbin reaches out to grab his hand, but hyunjin’s fast, already pulling away. “i’m gonna go,” he says weakly, before he heads towards the door.

 

changbin doesn’t follow him, and hyunjin tells himself he doesn’t care, that he’d rather be alone, but the overwhelming feeling of loneliness building up inside his chest tells him otherwise.

 

he pushes changbin away after that, mumbling excuses and promises to meet up soon, promises that fall empty. but changbin is stubborn, doesn’t give up easily, and hyunjin is weak, his heart too empty without changbin nearby, so when he shows up on his doorstep one night, he lets him in without a second thought.

 

“i know you probably don’t wanna see me, but i just, i need you,” changbin admits quietly, and hyunjin swallows nervously, stepping aside to let him in. changbin’s already making his way to hyunjin’s room, and hyunjin’s heart aches at how easy it is.

 

changbin sits on hyunjin’s bed, cross-legged, and he can’t stop fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie. hyunjin wants to reach out, fold over the sleeves so they stop drowning his hands, but he doesn’t.

 

“are you,” hyunjin falters when changbin looks up at him, eyes watery. _“oh,"_  hyunjin whispers, and he reaches out his hand slowly, offering changbin a reassuring smile when he interlaces their hands together.

 

hyunjin squeezes changbin’s hand, waiting for him to speak. changbin lets go of his hand instead, crawling over to where hyunjin’s leaning against the headboard. changbin curls up next to him, hands clutching at hyunjin’s shirt.

 

“he couldn’t take it. couldn’t handle the way people talked and stared,” changbin’s voice cracks, and his grip on hyunjin’s shirt tightens. hyunjin inhales sharply, realizing that they must’ve broken up. “ _god._ he’s so dumb. who _cares_ what other people think? were they more important? is that what it is?” changbin rambles, chest heaving and hyunjin’s trying not to panic, eyes wide at the way the words tumble out of changbin’s mouth.

 

“are you sure that’s what bugged him?” hyunjin asks weakly, and changbin lets go of his shirt to press his palms against his eyes, forcing out a very strong, _“yes,”_ through gritted teeth.

 

hyunjin doesn’t say anything after that, never having been good at comforting other people. they sit in silence instead, changbin resting his head in the crook between hyunjin’s neck and shoulder, arms balanced precariously around his waist. they stay like that for god knows how long, until changbin peels himself off of him, mumbling something about how he should go, but hyunjin’s selfish, aching for his touch, so he tells him he can stay, catch up. sleep. whatever he wants. it doesn’t take much convincing.

 

they fall back into their normal routine not long after, hyunjin having missed changbin’s presence a little too much. it feels right.

 

+

 

they end up at a small coffee shop, both of them agreeing that the cold was a little too much. hyunjin brings his hands to his face, exhaling to warm them up as they walk in, and changbin looks at him with a small smile on his face. “all this just to skip classes,” he muses, and hyunjin rolls his eyes, dropping his hands back to his side. “all this just to be with you,” he corrects, and the smile on changbin’s face falters, before growing bigger.

 

they tuck themselves into a corner, right near the windows. changbin's sitting quietly across from him, eyes wandering as he waits for his drink to cool down. hyunjin decides he prefers seeing changbin like this, face clear of worry lines and stress, making his features appear much more softer. 

 

he likes the way his eyes look from the sunlight filtering in through the clouds, through the windows, and into the coffee shop. he wants to reach over, across the table, push changbin’s hair out of his eyes. “what are you thinking about?” changbin asks softly, and hyunjin just shakes his head, leaning over to fix his hair instead. changbin mumbles a quiet, “ _thank you_ ,” smiling up at him.

 

“can i,” hyunjin begins, before pausing momentarily. he bites his lip nervously, trying to ignore the roaring of his heartbeat and the way his stomach feels as if it’s twisted up in knots. changbin just hums, waiting. 

 

hyunjin takes a deep breath, and decides there’s no going back. “can i kiss you?” he blurts out, ignoring his sweaty palms and the nagging voice in the back on his mind telling him _this is a terrible idea_ and _oh my god maybe you shouldn’t have said anything._

 

surprise flashes across changbin’s face, and hyunjin’s shoulders slump, already leaning back into his chair. “never mind. i’m just — i’m sorry. we can pretend this never happened,” hyunjin mumbles, pushing his chair back, before standing up. 

 

changbin moves with him, hand coming out to grab hyunjin’s wrist for the second time that day. “stay,” he murmurs, using his leg to pull hyunjin’s chair next to his own. he tugs on hyunjin’s wrist, silently gesturing for him to sit back down. 

 

changbin lets go, and hyunjin panics for a split second, right up until changbin moves his hand to the back of his neck, and hyunjin swears he feels all fuzzy and warm, kind of like his heart is about to burst. he can’t think straight, and maybe that’s why they end up bumping noses, hyunjin wincing and changbin muttering a quiet, “ _fuck_ , slow down,” as he pulls back briefly to glare at him. hyunjin buries his face in his hands in response, palms cool against his cheeks.

 

“ _hey_. it’s okay,” changbin reassures, trying topull hyunjin’s hands away from his face.

 

“you can’t be pretty _and_ a good kisser too. that’s not how the world works,” changbin continues, teasing, and hyunjin snorts, finally moving his hands away.

 

changbin’s smiling softly at him, and hyunjin swears his vision narrows, seeing nothing but changbin, and the way his eyebrows are creased slightly, (he wants to reach over, smooth it out) the way his lips tilt upwards, and hyunjin’s just so gone for him.

 

(and maybe things go better the second time changbin leans in, hyunjin’s heart beating out of his chest and his mind going _changbin changbin changbin_ for the entire duration of the kiss). 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
